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July 16, 2013

Touchy Topics

Okay so I've been steaming thinking about this for 3 days. THREE days. I don't know the last time I thought of anything for 3 days straight :) And I just need to talk it out. Full warning- it'll probably get pretty awkward up in here. Here's the sitch:

At a party over the weekend, during a random conversation with a couple, who is friends of our family, Luis and I find out this said couple is trying to have kids. We were elated, we love kiddos! They mention they were having some issues. They are older so we think it's something to do with that.


More information is sort of blurted out.
It turns out they were pregnant but found out that both of them carry the gene for Cystic Fibrosis and that their child is also carrying the gene and most likely would be born with CF. So they terminated the pregnancy.

A little about me: I speak my mind frequently (especially when I'm heated) but I come from a family who runs frantically away steers clear of touchy subjects. Don't take us for push overs. But, if any topics arise, you know the really popular ones, like politics, abortion or money, we are the first to exit the room or change the topic.

I'm a momma, so clearly I'm pro life, big fan of babies, etc.
More specifically- I hate that the government is medling into our lives. I fully get Pro Choice, minus the outcome. But before this very conversation, I thought a majority of abortions happened to 14 year old girls who made mistakes too early in their lives. Or maybe to a couple or individual who hated children, was in a bad place financially, rape victim etc. I never even thought this would be a possibility- I couldn't even imagine it and I definitely couldn't believe someone admitting it to a group of people.

I don't know what it was but I was so incredibly offended I literally couldn't even look at the couple. At one point I thought I was going to be sick. Staying in tune with my family backgrounds, I stayed completely mute until the topic was changed. I KNEW if I opened my mouth I was guaranteed to say something that would make everyone feel uncomfortable.

So now I'm opening my mouth, in a controlled well thought out way...

How can you want children but then eliminate one?
What if the test was wrong? No test is 100% with results.
What if you just said goodbye to a perfectly healthy baby?
Does this mean when your future baby IS born you'll give them up the first time they screw up?
How is adopting your child to someone else, who is desperately wanting a child, not an option?

Fortunately, I was able to discuss this topic with another momma who had heard the same conversation I did. She brought up a very credible point: they are older, this decision could have stemmed from thinking they couldn't provide the care a CF child would need. While the point was credible, I am still- obviously 3 days in- turning my wheels.

Not saying there is any excuse, but her comments did calm me down from seeing red.

Okay so honestly- I need to know... am I in the wrong here??
Is there a side I'm not seeing?

Thank you for listening to my vent session. We will return to reguarly programmed entries of DIY goodness and fashion focused for mommies tomorrow!

8 comments:

  1. I don't think you're wrong. As someone who has been trying for a baby for over a year (15 months to be exact), I would be elated to find out I'm pregnant. It wouldn't matter if there are things that prevent my child or pregnancy from being "normal", I would do everything in my power to bring that child into the world and care for him/her to the best of my ability no matter what care that child required. In my opinion, if you are so set on having a child that is perfect in every way you shouldn't be trying to have a child. Children will never be perfect, things can always go wrong, accidents happen that cause people to be completely dependent on others for their care all the time...real life isn't perfect, parenting isn't perfect and families aren't perfect, if you can't handle that, you should rethink having a child in my opinion.

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    1. One of my best friends has been trying for almost a year as well- I'm so sorry and can't image what you are going through. But even more- I can't wait for when you do get preggo! :) What a joy that will be!! Thanks so much for your comment :) I'm feeling peace with all this back up!

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  2. I totally see your side, but I thought the same as your other friend about them not being able to provide the proper care in the future. I had a teacher in High School that was about 35-40 and pregnant and she discussed getting extra testing (a danger to the baby) to see if there were any genetic issues. And the possibility of termination/abortion. I've heard of this with other mommies too. We have always forgone any extra tests and only did the anatomy scan at 19 weeks with our second. We've always said that termination was not an option for any reason. One of my mommy group friends was pregnant with a baby boy that didn't have kidneys and would not live outside the womb. She still carried him to full term and delivered him about a month before my youngest was born. His life was very short (less than a couple hours), but he was a treasure (and still is) to his parents and sister. Now they have beautiful baby twin boys. I personally think that every child is a blessing from God and don't see it as an option, but unfortunately not everyone agrees.

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    1. Completely agree. My heart goes out to anyone who has had to experience that suffering. But what an amazing woman to carry that baby full term! I'm so thankful Luis and I never had to deal with any of that. Maybe it's me but I love me some babies!!

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  3. Totally agree. I felt a little sick just reading your post, and I have no idea how I would react in that situation. Our first pregnancy ended in miscarriage, and we were devastated. I can't tell you how many (well-meaning) people told us things like "There must have been something wrong with the baby" or "It probably had special needs." I would just force a smile and nod, while inside I was screaming "YOU FLAMING IDIOT! I WANTED THAT BABY, NO MATTER WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN WRONG WITH IT!!" Any child that is growing inside you is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. If you can't handle it, don't get pregnant. Sorry, I feel very passionately about the topic too. Your rant was justified. :)

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    1. Ha thanks lady! :) Seriously- I'll take em all! Our house can totally be transformed into a full service baby factory. We'll take ALL of em!! :) Hurts my heart to know they so casually decided this. :/

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  4. I want to say that I agree with you and I understand completely what your friend is saying about them being older, but lets be honest there a ton of women that would love to have a child even if the child they are adopting has some sort of special need. In my opinion abortion should not be an option unless the mother's life is in foreseeable danger and the doctor believes it is not worth the risk or in the case of rape. I feel that if a fourteen year old is responsible enough to have sex they are responsible enough to seek adoption or help raising that child. I feel if you are not financially in a place to support a child abortion should not be an option. Abortion has become a convenience and an excuse.

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